DON'T SPILL YOUR GUTS ON A FIRST DATE.

  It's not that it's not his life.It's that it's too early for him to take on yours.Definitely at a certain point in a relationship,we all want to tell those close to us how we really feel about things.But it's always a good idea to start out just enjoying each others company  and holding back some of the more intense thoughts and feelings.
  This is because another person's pain can be sort of scary.Two people on a first date haven't had enough fun,easy,cool times together to balance out the bad news.If you start yakking his ear off with stories about your difficulties at home before he gets to know you,he might think,oh wow,this girl has got more problems than I can handle.But if you wait awhile until you've had some fun together,he's more likely to think.She's so great to be with.I never knew she had so many problems at home.Maybe I can make her laugh today.

JUST BECAUSE A GUY IS HOT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S FOR YOU.

  It's amazing how getting a popular guy can feel like a major accomplishment.It's sort of like winning the first-pla ce trophy at your next track meet.
    Only in this  case,the trophy is walking and talking!
   The thing is,you know he's not really a trophy.No one is.He just look good-especially next to you.Not that you shouldn't enjoy getting special attention from a super popular guy.But do you like other things about him besides his looks?
    If you have nothing in common and you're bored when you're with him,your definitely not going to have much fun together.And then you're going to have deal with breaking up with him,and  breakups aren't fun.In fact,breakups can involve all kinds of unnecessary  insecurities and pain-especially when th erelationship was never actually real.
Admittedly,going out with the cutest boy in your school can be a big ego boost-if he chose you,then you must be pretty hot yourself.But then again,if you're so hot,what do you need him for?You don't!
And what if he breaks up with you?You might wind up thinking,I'm such a loser.How could I have ever believed that a good-looking guy like that would stay interested in me?You won't be hurting over love lost.You'll be suffering from a bad case of low- esteem,and that's a lot harder to shake off than a boy you don't really like.
   And once you've realized your mistake and you  decide to break up with him ...
    News flash!Great-looking boys have feelings,too! It isn't fair to pretend to care for someone who you feel,deep down inside,hardly connects with you at all.You might even wind up breaking his heart,and then how will you feel?
     So what do you do?
     No matter how cute he is,don't get into a boyfriend-girlfriend thing until you have true feelings...not just a surface attraction.How can you tell the difference?
   Well,when he's talking,do you wish he'd be quiet so you can just kiss?Would you rather go out with him and loads of other people than be alone together?Do you find yourself really enjoying the first few date when you first see him and then about a half hour later feeling kind of lonely or bored or both?
  If the answer to any of these questions is yes,then you can pretty much bet there's not a lot happening between the two of you.You'd probably be better off doing the friend and leaving the boyfriend thing for someone you're really into in all ways,not just looks.
  Having a hot date can be fun,even if you don't find him all that fascinating.But having a hot boyfriend you don't like that much will inevitably end on a sour note.
     And the funny thing is,after a while he'll stop looking so hot.

Don't flirt if you're not really interested

  A lot.
  It seems like innocent flirting,but put yourself in his position.You're crushing on this guy big time,and he's acting like the feeling is mutual.You're waiting for him to make the big move and ask you about,but he never does.
  How do you feel?
   Tricked,deceived,hurt,upset,embarrassed,and angry,to name a few not so nice feelings.And you have every right to feel all those things.
     But think about what happened.Did he actually make you any promises?Not exactly.At least not in words,but his actions seemed to speak volumes.He was probably just flirting with you,which led you to believe he felt mores strongly than he actually did.Maybe he thinks flirting is fun and didn't really think about how you felt.Maybe he did it to feed his ego.
   It's not fair to flirt with someone you're not interested in.In the end,it will only leave the person you're flirting with feeling confused and hurt.
   If you're out with a guy who you think is more interested in you than you are in him,be friendly,but don't flirt.If he reaches for your hand,you might let him take it,but then release it after a short time.If he puts his arm around you,you might let him leave it there briefly so you don't embarrass hi,m,but then move away.If he tries to kiss you good night on the mouth,move your face so that he end s up kissing your cheek.The idea here is to send out the message:"I like you as a friend,but not as a boyfriend."You don't want to abruptly pull away from him-rejection is hard enough-but you don't want to let him know gently that things are never going to go further than the" friends" stage
  Flirting is characterized by the promise of affection and implies that there's an attraction that is not being fully acted on.It's also a voluntary action,which you should take responsibility for.It can be fun to flirt if the feeling is mutual,but if you really don't like a guy,don't act like you do.You wont just be flirting with him.
    You'll be hurting him as well.

If you know he's already taken,leave him alone.

More than you think.First of all,when you flirt with another girls boyfriend,especially a girl who is in your school and maybe friends with some of your friends,you're wearing a sign.The sign says,I go after What I Want No Matter What.
      You might think your good friends know that you would never try to steal their boyfriends.But that's not the point.It doesn't matter whether the girl is your best friend or not.Her boyfriend isn't fair game until they break up.
   Going after someone else's boyfriend is like saying you don't value other people's feelings and boyfriends count more than friends.Your good friends would hope you wouldn't do the same to them,but they would stop trusting you as much as they did before.
  Second,what about this couple?Relationships are scary enough.Anyone can get hurt.Do you really want to be responsible for breaking them up?
  What if you do get him in the end?Not too many people are going to be happy for you.Your friends might avoid hanging out with you and him for fear of hurting his ex-girlfriend.They'll have to choose sides.
   And what if you don't get him?You'll be embarrassed.You may have lost a few friends,and you'll have nothing to show for it but a bad rep.
 So stay away from other girl's boyfriends.If they aren't meant for each other,they'll break up.Then you can have a chance with him.By playing it straight,you'll feed good about yourself and better about him.Why would you want a guy with a wandering eye,anyway?If you were able to steal him with a little flirting,maybe he's not very good at being a boyfriend.He might leave you just as easily.
    Or he might be the boyfriend of your dreams-someone you'll grow to really cherish.You may even stay together a long,long time.And relationships like that are worth waiting for.

If he says he doesn't want a serious relationship,believe him.

Welcome to the time-honored trap titled "I'll Be the One to Change Him".It's  a trap we all set for ourselves at one time or another when we really like someone who doesn't want to be toed down by a relationship.We tell ourselves,"Yeah,but with me its going to be different."
One thing is absolutely,completely certain:No matter how hard you try to change him,it won't work.Only he can change him.Don't delude yourself by thinking you the beauty,the personality,the magic trick that will turn a frog into a prince.
He's told you he doesn't want to get serious,but you've been harboring secret fantasies that the more you hang out together,the more attached to you he'll become.There is a tiny,vague change that this could happen.But it's unlikely.So you have to take him at hos word:He doesn't want a girlfriend.
It's too unfair to you to do otherwise.The pressure to be"the one" is just to much to take.You can't be because he's not looking for anyone.And when you don't succeed in turning him around,you'll wind up punishing yourself unnecessarily-obviously something wasn't good enough about you.Wrong.It's kind of like a lawyer presenting a case in a courtroom to a jury that's already made up it's mind before it walked in.If none of the members of the jury are willing to give the lawyer a change,nothing he says,none of his brilliant tactics,will change their minds.Does that make him a terrible lawyer?Of course not.
The  next time a guy tells you he doesn't want to get serious,believe him and keep your options open.You simply can't lose that way.If you show the guy you like that you're fine with being independent,he may feel braver about trying a relationship since he won't feel pushed into something he's not ready for.Or you might forget all about him when you meet someone else-someone who wants to be in a serious relationship just as much as you do.

After you break up,Don't dive into a serious relationship with the next guy who comes along.

  Actually,there's a much better way.Feel bad about the breakup.Give your feelings room,even though it may be painful because they're the truth.Your feelings for the very next guy probably aren't the truth.They're more likely an escape from the pain you're feeling about your breakup.You have to deal with the pain first before you can move on.
Breakups stink.They hurt.They can make you feel insecure and stupid.They can leave you with the feeling that you'll never be happy again.But guess what?That's normal.
Breakups do pass.They lose sting.They drop their importance.They become what happened then.But only you allow yourself to feel the pain.If you don't,you'll get involved with in appropriate guys,find yourself in the middle of more messy breakups,and get stuck in a never ending cycle of quick,unsatisfying romances.Either you'll hurt a lot of guys along the way,or they'll hurt you.If your stuck on the idea that you have to be with someone even if it's the wrong someone,things are bound to get ugly.
So after breakup give yourself a little time to cry if you need it.Hang out with your girlfriends.Take long,hot baths.then,when you're feeling strong and confident,you can start going out.Try accepting a date here and there.But don't leap into boyfriend-girlfriend status.You need time to see if someone is right for you.Your head and heart might still be so filled with difficult feelings from your breakup that you won't be the best judge to choose your next boyfriend,anyway.
Don't mistake the next guy who's interested as the one.Let each relationship teach you something important about yourself and what you want.You'll know when you find a guy too good to let go.In the meantime,relax and have the fun so that your head will be clear and your heart will be ready.

Don't expect him to pay for everything

    For some girls(not all!)there's something very romantic about being"taken out".This is largely because it's the first cousin to being "taken care of",and that can be a very comforting feeling.But it certainly isn't a feeling you need in order to experience real romance.
   Besides,the notion that the man is responsible for paying for everything went out of style a long time ago.Yes,it's true that many men who have jobs often pay for the woman's share of the date when they take them out.But not always.Why should they?Chances are the woman works,too,and may even earn more money than her date.It isn't fair for the woman to expect him to pay for every single time.These days it's common for men and women to share date expenses fifty-fifty unless they're celebrating a special occasion like a birthday or anniversary,in which case one person might want  to treat the other and pay for the whole date.
Like you,the guy you're going out with may have a part time-job or earn pocket money by baby-sitting,or maybe his parents give him an allowance.And he's probably using that money to save for things like a new pair of skates.a CD,a computer game,or even college.
And he may really want to cough up the cash for your dinner or movie ticket or  ride on the roller coaster or whatever,but there's a good chance he just doesn't have it.There's also a good chance that he knows you expect him to pay,but he still can't.Don't hold that against him.
The fact that he can't shouldn't stand in the way of your feelings for him.He obviously likes you a lot.He's asked you out.He wants to be with you alone,to share a meal or a movie and maybe hold your hand.But he's not an adult.He's a teenager-he's still in school and can't have a full time job-and therefore his cash flow is probably limited.
Of course,you might find yourself out with a boy who does pay for you.It could be because he spends his money mainly on his social life.Or maybe his parents gave him some money to spend on the date.That's nice.But that's really all it is.It's actually a nonevent when it comes to romance.Your date is caring for you more when he puts his arm around you when you're shivering in the stands watching a football game on a cold day that he is when paying for your movie ticket.
One last note.There are lots of girls who wouldn't hear of letting someone pay their way on a date.In fact,they might be resentful if their date even offered.They might think,Wait a minute.Don't patronize me!I can pay for myself.I can take care of myself.It's doubtful that a guy who offers to pay is actually trying to put you down.He wants your date to go well just as badly as you do.
But the fact is,money  isn't an indication of caring.If he has it,great.If he doesn't that's fine too.No one can buy love or romance.Don't be disappointed if you have to reach for your wallet or purse.It maybe the only way the two of you can go to the movies together!